*hears first notes to Sugar We’re Going Down*
*punches out of casket*
am i morE THAN YOU BARGAINED FOR YET
*deletes all ur captions before reblogging post*
So…. It’s this time of year again.
For most people today is a celebration of blazing it (and, coincidentally, Easter). But today holds a bit of a different meaning for me.
Flashback 4 1/2 years ago to the beginning of my freshman year sitting through Rachel’s challenge. Yeah, the kindness spreading idea behind it was nice, but that’s not what caught my attention. Listening to the speaker describe what went down in that library April 20th, 1999 stuck with me and kind of freaked me out and intrigued me at the same time. That night I went on the internet and found every last thing I could about the Columbine shootings, bought the Dave Cullen book (which is informative and also somewhat bullshit), and terrified my 13 year old self. I couldn’t sleep for months; images of the time bombs they constructed and blood pools in the library and Daniel’s dead body and screams from Patty’s 911 call kept flashing across my mind. I dug up hundreds of sources; I immersed myself in Eric’s journal and home made videos more than anything else. It took me 3 months to look at their dead bodies and another 2 months to do it again.
But why was it so fascinating to me? I don’t know for sure… Either the thrill of being terrified or the idea of Eric Harris kept me going back for more.
4 years later, I have pretty much read every book, every web page, every page of the report searching for the answers of why Eric and Dylan decided to do what they did. I place myself in the library and wonder what I would have done in that situation. I have no answers.
I gave up a while ago and gave my “obsession” a hiatus, but every once and a while I dive back in. This past week in psych class, a bunch of people started bringing up Columbine and I couldn’t help but add in my 2 cents. I started going back over the basement tape transcripts and the extended extended 911 call (which I didn’t even know existed until this week??? Daniel died trying to jump Eric? That’s crazy).
Today I have all of the victims and witnesses of the massacre in my heart.
(And to those of you who are diving in for the first time…. Be careful. It tests your moral limits. I still can’t bring myself to hate Eric and I even identify with him. This stuff messes with you for years)